I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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