i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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