Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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