The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
