I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Houston, we have a squirter
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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