I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
