First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
