He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
