Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
