Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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