Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
