god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
