I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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