GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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