my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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