Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
