And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
