It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
