Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can text with my tongue
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
