It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
