I love black thongs
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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