I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
