the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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