they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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