Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
