Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
there is glitter all over my balls
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
