Are we in a gay sports bar?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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