i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
