you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
