i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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