i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
