tonight lets celebrate not being married
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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