OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
