I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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