I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
