allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Congratulations! We have a period
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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