Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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