bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
