Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So much rum. So many feels.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
