and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
