erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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