How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
