Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
