The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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