i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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