i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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