Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Bring me that man meat
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
