So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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