Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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