foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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