That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
