When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
