I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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