Kiss
Puke
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
