I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Green mimosas i think yes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
