I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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