Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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