Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
