I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
