I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
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she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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