My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Girls should come with a carfax report
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
