one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
