And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
