my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
