No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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