i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
