So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.