Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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