Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?