dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face