Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick