Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dicks are not precious.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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