My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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