i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
should my penis look like a turkey
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
