he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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