I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
